Yesterday, we took Dick to our dentist. He had been able to say our dentist's name last weekend and indicated his tooth hurt. The facility took him there in their van and left an aide to sit with him the whole time. Kevin and I were there too. The dentist couldn't find anything at all, although he probed and poked all over the place. So we didn't do anything, and the dentist, bless his heart, didn't charge us. While we were waiting in his waiting room for the facility's van to pick him and the aide up again. I went over to Dick to say goodbye and leave for work. He touched my hand and said, "money for lunch?" He wanted me to give him money to pay for lunch for them on the way back. I nearly cried. It was what he would have done 4 or 5 years ago. He hasn't had a wallet or even asked about one for a couple years, at least.
Then he said something else, but I just couldn't understand it. Most of the time now we can't understand what he's trying to say, but he keeps trying. He doesn't get upset or frustrated or anything, just keeps trying.
Today he called my phone number 4 times during the day but I didn't answer it. He left unintelligible messages for me. So I stopped by to see him on my way home. After a couple minutes, he said something to me and I leaned in close. I had him repeat it a few times and heard 3 words, the first one "I" and the last one "you." He said the middle word again. "Forgive?" I asked him. He nodded yes. He forgives me. Then he said, "I love you." And he reached up to wipe a tear from his face. He was crying! Then he reached for my hand and just held it for several minutes.
Wow. I have not heard anything resembling an emotion from him, other than anger, for at least 5 years. I thought I would never stop crying tonight. Where did this come from? Does he know somewhere deep inside that he's approaching the end? Can he really think like this now? After all the craziness of the last several years? I think all the sadness on my part is thinking that maybe he does realize what's happening.
